The Epic Tale of Mayercraft 2

or How John Mayer Saw My Underpants

I know you've all been waiting for me to get this up and finished. I've just been simply exhausted since I got back and haven't had the time and/or energy. Plus, I've discovered it's hard to sit in front of the computer screen reading text when the world is still sort of rocking back and forth. A good friend of mine used to be in the Coast Guard stationed out of Monterey, CA. He was surprised that my head was still rocking, the longest it ever went for him was, like, 12 hours. You suck, Mike. =)

But enough rambling and on to the good stuff. I'm only going to give some highlights here, if you want the full story of what Mayercraft was really like there was a girl who wrote a review on tryjm.com that summed it all up really well. Read it here, first story. I can't believe I didn't meet that girl since we appear to have been in most of the same places at the same time.

I started my adventure on Wednesday. Sue & I flew into LAX, rented a super sexy minivan and trudged our way down to Long Beach where we stayed aboard the Queen Mary. What an amazingly beautiful ship! We had dinner with my two aunts, Pam & Penny.



You can't tell we're related at all, right??

Spent most of Wed. night hanging with the Aunts, then ran into Jay Tay in the lobby later & hung out with him for a while. Finally crashed and tried to get some sleep. Thursday was our day to play tourist so we headed up to the Chinese Theater.



Don't mess with my dog, Foo. He'll kick your ass.

After that it was time to pick Kelly up at the airport. Jenny also called to say she had landed and we all decided to meet up at Griffith Observatory. You can see ALL of LA from up there. So incredible.



Cutest picture of Kelly EVER.



I love LA (we love it!)



Jenny, Sue, Kelly and me. Good crap, I'm fat!

We were going to try to make it to Sana Monica Pier that night, but decided to do a "quick" dinner in Long Beach instead so I could meet up with the CW's. What a joke. The food was good, but the service was DEPLORABLE. Don't get me started!!

I have a picture around here somewhere of all the girls, but I can't find it. Maybe it's on my phone. I'm bummed I was driving that night, the rum balls were DELICIOUS!!! (drool) You know how I love good balls. *blink* What is that? Velvet? (don't get me started)

Finally, we all get on board. First day of the cruise and I'm already slightly sleep deprived. I can tell it's going to be a good trip.

And then THAT happened...


(pic stolen from Kim. Nice shot Kim)

I don't think words are necessary here. Ok. Well maybe, "Nice, uh, SHORTS, John."

*cough*

The life boat drill was interesting. When I pulled the life jackets out of the closet I was pummeled with (brand new) condom packages. Safety first!!

Then it was on to the Lido show...



A little right foot action, just for Tara Bunny Ears. I totally was thinking of you when I took this pic Tara.



Seeing these two play together is just so effing amazing!!

And then...



STOP STARING AT US JOHN MAYER!!

I mean, really! How can we stalk you properly if you keep looking at us??

We met these really cool guys at the David Ryan Harris show, they were from Atlanta and we kept seeing them EVERYWHERE. I believe they voted Mikaela the girl they all wanted to be with. Or something. It was actually probably something more explicit than that. Well, Mikaela IS awfully damn adorable... =)




This blog is getting entirely too long. I'm trying to sum up, honest!!

I got to see John do some Stand-Up comedy. That could really be a blog all by itself. Let's just say, he's a very dirty boy. VERY dirty. I thought it was hilarious. (I should have called her) He pulled some people up from the audience and had them give it a try. It went badly for most of them. Carl Mayer told the story of going to a gang bang party with a meat and cheese platter. Well, he'd already paid the toll, so he might as well just go. I have to say, I think Carl is the funnier brother. Sorry John.



Nice, "I just broke out of prison" hoodie, John. It's a good look for you.

There were many nights in the disco. And I feel it's my duty to mention, when John's drunk he can't sing on key to save his ASS. And THAT really IS hilarious. Someone take the mic away from that boy. My favorite disco quotes:

John: In International waters, if you sleep with Carl Mayer you become a virgin again.
Carl: In International waters, if you sleep with JOHN Mayer you're STILL a virgin!

I got to meet Carl. Here's the extremely brief, edited version of our conversation:

(Carl walking by)
Me: (smirk) I know you
Carl: (smirks back) And I know YOU
Me: (sarcastically) Oh, REEEALLY??
Carl: (suddenly unsure) I * think * I know you
(we both keep walking, moments later I see him in the hall chatting with 2 girls)
Me: (touching his arm) Oh. And Jim Wolf says “hello”
Carl: (surprise face) I * DO * know you!!
Me: (sticks out hand) Hey, I’m
(in unison) Bearheadedgirl
(we laugh)

I shook his hand. His hands are just as soft as John's. Mikaela said that's the creepiest thing I've ever said to her. *blink* What?!

That reminds me, I need to get the quotes copy from Mikaela. She had some good ones written down...

We went to Cabo of course, it was AMAZINGLY beautiful.



Yes, I took that picture. *sigh*

We ran into Chad, David Ryan Harris, Jessie Baylin and gang on the beach in Cabo. They were standing there, blocking the exit to this bar called The Office just as we were leaving. So I pointed at Chad and David and said, "Ya'll two need to stop stalking us." David laughed, but Chad had surprise face. Jeez! You know I was KIDDING Chad!! (Unless, of course, you ARE stalking me, in which case it's even funnier. But I'm sure you're not. Maybe. I DID keep seeing you everywhere. Hmmm....)

I met Ryan Shaw at some point. The days kind of blur a little. He was really awesome, and the sheer talent of his voice! Wow.



The position of his hand, and the expression on my face is, um. Interesting. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Q & A with John was interesting as well. It felt a little less personal than last year, but he was gracious as usual. And occasionally funny. And at the end comes the funniest part of my adventure.



You have a very big Melon, sir. I'm sure you already know that. But while you were up on stage, and with the angle I was sitting at, it struck me that you looked like a ginormous 5 year old.

Kelly got to ask a question too.



Look at her! The girl is BEAMING happiness. I was happier for her in this moment than I can tell you.

Here's John answering her question:



He really looks like Carl right there.

So many pictures I took on this cruise ended up slightly blurry due to the motion of the boat. I can't BELIEVE how much that bitch rocked. I constantly felt drunk, and I STILL feel off balance.

After the Q&A was over, John came back out to sign some stuff for us. I whipped Milo out of my bag (the orange fish, there will be another blog on this later, promise). Anyway, I start passing Milo over to John, but my arm wasn't quite long enough so I go to step up on this bench. In a skirt. Did I mention I was wearing a skirt?? A short one. Just as I'm stepping up, the boat starts to roll. A rough one. I start falling backwards, and it's like it happened in slow motion. I see my legs go flying up in V formation, right as John is looking at me of course! *FLASH* How'd ya like my underpants? I start laughing, I can't help it. It's hilarious! And John got more of a show than either of us anticipated. I had to lay there on the floor for a minute, I was laughing so hard. My friends, God bless them, are all bent over me, "Are you OK??!!" And I can't get up because I'm laughing. I probably missed whacking my head on a table by mere centimeters. I'm lucky I didn't completely knock myself out. But I finally get up, and manage to hand John the Milo.

John: Are you OK?
Me: Just my dignity's broken.
John: What the hell's this?
Me: That's Milo!
John: It looks like a demented Nemo! There's got to be a story on this.
Me: Oh yeah. You'll have to ask Chad.
John: Chad knows the story?
Me: Oh yeah.
John: (laughing) Ok.

I told Chad he'd have to tell John the story of the Milo's. Basically, I brought a bunch of them on board to try and get as many people to sign them as possible. I managed to get 5 of them signed. They'll be sent out to a few of my girl friends who couldn't be there with us. And I'll be posting a blog of the Adventures of Milo. But not right now. LOL.

All in all, it was, once again, a trip of a lifetime.

Thanks, John. You really know how to throw one hell of a party. Sorry you had to see my underpants.

And no, I didn't tell ALL of the story. Sometimes, what happens on the Mayercraft...